3 posts tagged “book”

"Hey Elle," Elise yelled half-way across the self.

"Wot?" I replied, hardly bothering to look up at her from the book I was trying to read.  She bounded over to my desk and plopped herself into the chair next to me.

"I've been thinking..." she started, propping her elbows up on the desk, while resting her chin on her knuckles.

"That's dangerous to your health."

"... and I believe I've decided what to do with the rest of the money you gave me for Chrimbo," she finished, barely even taking notice that I had insulted her.

She still hasn't spent all the damn money?

I sighed heavily, slammed my book shut and plucked a cigarette out of the open package on the desk. 

"An' wot's that?" I asked, leaning forward as she lit the ciggy for me.

"We'll go on holiday!  The three of us!  No customers, no creatures, no... no competition; no nothing," she replied, looking hard at me for a facial response.  She didn't get one.  "Anyways, I've been looking at websites and visiting travelling agencies..."

"What about the shop?" I asked suddenly, surprising myself a little.

"Oh, we could get Penny to look after it or something.  Anyways..."

"Ah, yes, Penny," I replied, uncertainly.

Who in the name of Beezlebub's shorts is Penny?

Ten minutes later, Elise was showing me pamphlets of holiday destinations, while I was still trying to think of who the hell Penny was.

"This place here would be perfect!  See here, it says there's a beach, a jungle and the only English bookshop...," she began to say, when Bert burst in the front door, startling customers with his flashy tracksuit.

"You'll never believe who's in my yoga class!" he blurted, sitting himself down daintily in the chair in front of the desk.

He didn't even give me time to reply. Lousy bugger.  "Fran!" he exclaimed, slapping his hands down on the desktop, making Elise, myself and the computer moniter jump at the same time.  He glanced between the two of us, waiting for a reply.

"Ahh, that's g-," was all Elise got out before the walking disco ball leant over the desk and plucked the cigarette right out of my mouth and dropped it into my glass of wine.

"What the HELL is wrong with you?!" I yelled, grabbing the glass. 

"Smoking and drinking is really bad for you.  Your chakras are all over the place, Elle!  You need to relax and..."

"Your chakras are to be hanging out your nose if you try that again!" I growled at him.  He looked slightly startled, but that didn't stop him from continuing his preaching.

"Penny and Eva said that...," he began, but I had had it.

"Just who the bleedin' hell is Penny?!" I shouted, thumping the glass back down on the desk, sloshing ashy wine all over my book and some of Elise's pamphlets.

"Penny's his girlfriend," Elise informed me, gathering up the pamphlets that weren't soggy and attempting to salvage the ones that were.

"Girlfriend?" I echoed.

"Yeh," Bert replied, smoothing out the front of his tracksuit.  "She's a bartender at the club I work at."

"Oooooo, Penny.  Penny. Penny Penny Henny."

"Come on Elle, you're being childish."

"Am not."

"I think if you tried yoga, you may be able to see the lighter side of life," Bert stated, smugly.

"I'm not trying your yogi," I retorted, picking up my book and shaking it.

"Yo-ga."

"That neither."

As pay back for having to come and get me after spending the night with Jim- er, Tim, Elle made me work the next day. This job really is God-awful dull. I actually caught myself reading a dictionary to pass the very slow-moving time.

I wander if I could just give myself a severe paper cut across the throat and DIE.

I was spying on Black Books through the window when the little bell above the door jingle, letting us all know that a customer was coming in. Nobody had been in all day so it gave me quite a start.

It was Tom.

And he didn't even notice me.

So, I had to make him notice me.

I grabbed a book off a random shelf, opened it and "accidently" bumped into Tom.

"Oh, gosh," I exclaimed. "I'm so sorry!" I looked up at him, batting my eyelashes discreetly. "Tom!"

He raised his eyebrows. "Elise. What the bloody hell are you doing in a book store?"

I glared at him. "I can read, you know!"

Tom glanced at the cover of the book I had in my hand. It was, unfortunately, The Black Man's Guide to Understanding the Black Woman. Just my luck. It couldn't have been something like The Da Vinci Code or-or-or... 1001 Ways To Tell If Your Lover Is A Complete Fuck-Up Named Tom. Oh, yes. That would have been a really good one.

"Interesting choice," he said with a laugh. "So. How long have you been a black man, anyway? Not long."

I tossed the book onto a nearby shelf and crossed my arms over my chest. "Well, you would know!!"

It was about 0.5 seconds later that I realized that that wasn't actually a come-back. Bugger.

I glanced at Elle for a little assistance. Maybe she would toss the wanker out on his ass. But no. My dear sister was asleep, her head on her desk, an empty bottle of wine sitting on some old books. Great.

Tom just smirked. (Prat.) "I think we should go to lunch."

"It's half ten," I said.

Tom looked at Elle. "Think your boss would mind if you took off a little early?"

"She's not my boss!" I huffed. "She doesn't tell me what I can and cannot do!" I grabbed his hand and lead him out of the shop.

We went to the nearby pub and had some lunch. We talked about everything. Mark. Trish. Us. The whole complicated mess. But, there had been an update since the whole blow-up happened.

"Mark and Trish have been sleeping together for over a year," Tom explained. "And Trish is pregnant."

I gaped at him. "Well, is it yours or is it Mark's?"

Wow, I thought. That is exactly what happened on EastEnders yesterday. 

"Well, the doctor told her she is four weeks pregnant," he said, looking like he didn't give a fig. "So, it has to be Mark's." Tom sighed and sipped his lager. "Needless to say, Mark and I are no longer chums. And Trish is now at his place."

"Do you miss her?" I asked softly.

"Not really," he said with a shrug. "I do miss you, though."   

This is complete bullocks.

We were supposed to split Auntie Madge's inheritance equally or go on a nice holiday together. Something nice. Something not stupid.

Only my prat sister could be so clueless. She has no experience in retail. And she's apparently missing a brain or something. Who the hell just goes ahead and buys a dinky little crap book shop?

But it gets even better.

The book shop. Is across from. Another book shop.