1 post tagged “cigarette”

"Hey Elle," Elise yelled half-way across the self.

"Wot?" I replied, hardly bothering to look up at her from the book I was trying to read.  She bounded over to my desk and plopped herself into the chair next to me.

"I've been thinking..." she started, propping her elbows up on the desk, while resting her chin on her knuckles.

"That's dangerous to your health."

"... and I believe I've decided what to do with the rest of the money you gave me for Chrimbo," she finished, barely even taking notice that I had insulted her.

She still hasn't spent all the damn money?

I sighed heavily, slammed my book shut and plucked a cigarette out of the open package on the desk. 

"An' wot's that?" I asked, leaning forward as she lit the ciggy for me.

"We'll go on holiday!  The three of us!  No customers, no creatures, no... no competition; no nothing," she replied, looking hard at me for a facial response.  She didn't get one.  "Anyways, I've been looking at websites and visiting travelling agencies..."

"What about the shop?" I asked suddenly, surprising myself a little.

"Oh, we could get Penny to look after it or something.  Anyways..."

"Ah, yes, Penny," I replied, uncertainly.

Who in the name of Beezlebub's shorts is Penny?

Ten minutes later, Elise was showing me pamphlets of holiday destinations, while I was still trying to think of who the hell Penny was.

"This place here would be perfect!  See here, it says there's a beach, a jungle and the only English bookshop...," she began to say, when Bert burst in the front door, startling customers with his flashy tracksuit.

"You'll never believe who's in my yoga class!" he blurted, sitting himself down daintily in the chair in front of the desk.

He didn't even give me time to reply. Lousy bugger.  "Fran!" he exclaimed, slapping his hands down on the desktop, making Elise, myself and the computer moniter jump at the same time.  He glanced between the two of us, waiting for a reply.

"Ahh, that's g-," was all Elise got out before the walking disco ball leant over the desk and plucked the cigarette right out of my mouth and dropped it into my glass of wine.

"What the HELL is wrong with you?!" I yelled, grabbing the glass. 

"Smoking and drinking is really bad for you.  Your chakras are all over the place, Elle!  You need to relax and..."

"Your chakras are to be hanging out your nose if you try that again!" I growled at him.  He looked slightly startled, but that didn't stop him from continuing his preaching.

"Penny and Eva said that...," he began, but I had had it.

"Just who the bleedin' hell is Penny?!" I shouted, thumping the glass back down on the desk, sloshing ashy wine all over my book and some of Elise's pamphlets.

"Penny's his girlfriend," Elise informed me, gathering up the pamphlets that weren't soggy and attempting to salvage the ones that were.

"Girlfriend?" I echoed.

"Yeh," Bert replied, smoothing out the front of his tracksuit.  "She's a bartender at the club I work at."

"Oooooo, Penny.  Penny. Penny Penny Henny."

"Come on Elle, you're being childish."

"Am not."

"I think if you tried yoga, you may be able to see the lighter side of life," Bert stated, smugly.

"I'm not trying your yogi," I retorted, picking up my book and shaking it.

"Yo-ga."

"That neither."