1 post tagged “irish policeman”
"Let me get this straight," Inspector O'Hoolihan said in a thick Irish accent, peering at us all from under his hat. "This guy ran in, put a knife to 'dis here guy's troate, 'dis here lady hit 'im over d'head wid dis here fryin' pan and dats how 'e died."
Elle, Bert, Fran and I all exchanged looks. "Yes, sir."
Maybe the irony was lost on everyone else, but I found it quite amusing that this member of England's Scotland Yard was Irish.
"And wot about 'deese here marks on 'is nipples? Wot is that all aboot?" He raised an eyebrow, specifically at Bert.
"...Why do you look at me when you say that?" Bert retorted.
I cleared my throat. "I used to have this friend who would pinch his nipples. He did it all the time. I guess it's a kind of confidence builder." I nodded wisely and pretended I knew exactly what I was talking about- I didn't.
Fran, who was quite drunk, asked if she could leave and take her car back across the street. Inspector O'Hoolihan nodded and she stumbled off.
After the Inspector and the rest of the policemen (and the coroner) left, I slumped down at the kitchen table and put my head down. "Guys. Let's not do that again."
Bert rested his face in his palm. "Agreed." His eyes lowered to his own chest. "Excuse me, I have to go do something."
"Where's he going?" Elle asked me, leaning against the counter.
"I'm almost positive he's going to his room to pinch his nipples."
"Wouldn't doubt it."
I rolled my head to the side. "So, Elle, you still want to have a bistro, even though it might cause us to kill somebody again?"
Elle dug around in the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine. "I was saving this for after we had our grand opening... but this is as good a time as any." She guzzled from the bottle and slid it across the kitchen table to me.
I looked at the label. "Wow. Fifteen quid." I nodded in approval. "So fancy." I took a few big gulps.
And then a few more. And then Elle had several more.
I woke up the next morning in a puddle of my own vomit... but at least it was in my home and not prison.
