4 posts tagged “whyte books”

Elle was in a particularly bad mood when I came home from yoga with Bert.
"Oh, Christ, now you're on drugs too?!" she exclaimed, tossing a book at me.
"Yoga has nothing to do with drugs." I smiled and exhaled slowly. "It's like having sunshine in your veins."
"I read an article about the stuff- it's very dangerous," Elle said. "Listen to you, you're becoming one of them. You're going over to the other side. The land of sandals, spoon-benders and yogurt fanciers."
"Don't be ridiculous, Elle. I think Elise looks fab," Bert said. "She's the most flexible person in the whole class."
I grinned. There was a reason for that. And his name is Ben.
Since Leo and I had quietly decided to break up (we both found out we were shagging other people), I had been seeing various men. My relationship with Leo was the longest one I'd had since middle school and I felt tied down (even when I was being tied down by someone who was not Leo). So, I had been taking advantage of my new-found freedom and seeing as many men as possible.
And Ben, our yoga instructor, had become my new playmate.
We'd gone out for drinks at a trendy juice bar after my first class and that night I found out exactly how flexible I could be. It was crazy. And because Ben is fantastic and wonderful and everything a man should be, we decided to keep things casual. He can see other women and I can see other men. And things are going brilliantly.
I leaned against Elle's desk. "So, have you thought about where you'd like to go for our little vacation?"
"Yes, actually," Elle said, sitting up straight in her chair. "I have spent hours and hours thinking about where we should go and I've made a decision."
"Wow," I said, "you must really have had a change of heart. So, where would you like to go?"
"To the pub across the street. And no further."

After yoga class the next day, Bert and I were just strolling in the park, both of us feeling very relaxed. Him, because he honestly enjoyed yoga and I, because I'd just had a quickie with Ben in his office while Bert was changing out of his unitard.
"If I were any more relaxed, you could just pour me into a bowl," Bert said. He looked at me. "You've given up smoking, haven't you?"
"Of course, I have," I said. That statement was almost true. I'd stopped smoking completely... besides post-coital cigarettes, but that's different.

We headed back to the shop and noticed a sign being put up across the street from Whyte Books, right beside Black Books.

And that's when the noise started.

"Bern", as Bernard is now apparently called, stormed out of Whyte Books and I threw myself upon Elle's cluttered desk, nearly sending a pencil up my backside. But anyway. My move was meant to be dramatic but ended up looking more klutzy.

"We should offer coffee and snacks and tables and sofas that you, too!" I exclaimed. "Otherwise, we'll never be able to compete with Black Books!" I stared at her, impatiently waiting her answer.

"You're daft," Elle said, her usual blank expression more blank than usual. "Coffee and books is a fad!"

I was so put off, I actually stomped my foot down... and it landed on a small creature. I winced. The invasion of creatures that lived over at Black Books had started migrating across the street to our shop.

I grimaced. "That's the second one I've stomped dramatically on today."

"I killed four in the kitchen about half an hour ago," Elle added. "They're getting bigger and more lively. Probably feeding on snacks and coffee at Black Books or something."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Yes. You're right. Delicious coffee and delicious snacks." I pointed out the window. "And look! Their shop is full of customers!!"

Elle stared at me. "And why would be want our shop full of customers?? I don't even like it when you're around, let alone people I don't know."

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. "This is a great opportunity, Elle. More customers means more-"

"Noise."
"No."
"Talking in the shop."
"Well, yes. But that's not what I was going to say-"
"...Unusual smells?"
"No! More customers means more profit!" I was evolving into an Italian, talking excitedly using my hands a lot. "More profits equals more stuff we can buy!"

Elle sat back in her chair, drinking her Fizzy Good. "We have everything we need. Food. Clothing. Free booze from the cellar of the pub next door. What more do we need?"

I thought for a second. "...More booze?"

Elle's mouth twisted in thought. "That's a good point." She looked out the window again. "Look! All the customers are leaving! Bernard must've said something appalling or they were frightened off by that overgrown hobbit friend of yours!! Ha! Not so posh now, are we Black Books!!"

I glanced at her. She really had gone quite mad. "It's lunch."

Suddenly, Elle's face lit up like I'd never seen it light up before. It was weird.

Ten cent whore. Ten cent whore!
What a prick. I've only ever shagged someone for money one time in college... Well, when I stayed with my friend who went to college. I never actually went... I needed money for a cab and this guy I met on campus offered me a hundred quid for a go in his car.
It seemed so weird though... He seemed a bit old to be a college student. Apparently the college professor look is in with students too.
Wait...

Anyway, I'm so glad that Bert is not the father of my child... because now I hate the sodding trannie. Can't believe his entire act was spent making fun of Elle and I. (And he did my model walk all wrong.) Elle gave him a good beating with the broom the next morning but I'm still angry with him anyway.

Something's going on over at Black Books. While Elle was sleeping at her desk his afternoon, I popped over there for a few minutes- the place, I tell you, was packed! There were customers sitting at tables, drinking coffee and eating snacks while reading their books. Classical music was playing from somewhere. Bernard had a name tag ("Bern", it said) on his lapel- and did not looked pleased, per usual. Somebody was literally being eaten by a bright green sofa nearby. Manny, looking proud as a peach, was standing at a podium, his chest hair in full view. It was a bit gross, to be honest.

A short girl in a denim jacket was standing by the door, reading a thick book about Henry VIII. She smiled as me when I came in and went back to her book. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"You're in my way," I said. Why is a 12-year-old in a book shop and not in school anyway?
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said in an American accent.
"Pfft," I said. "Americans."
"Actually I'm Canadian," she said in a mousy little voice. "I'm from Nova Scotia."
I just blinked at her. "I don't care." Actually, I don't even know where that is...

I walked over to Manny's podium. His proud smile faltered a little bit when I approached. I guess he was still a bit upset over the him-being-in-love-with-me-but-me-not-feeling-that-way-in-the-least thing that happened ages ago.
Honestly. People need to grow up.

"What is going on here?" I asked.
"We're improving the shop," Manny exclaimed. "Competing with the big chain stores."
Bernard strolled over, his hands in his pockets. "This whole ting is crap, Manny. It's a waste of time."
Manny crossed his arms over his (ape-like) chest. "We've tripled our weekly profits in just one day. This is good for business!"
"Profits shmofits," Bernard said. He looked at me. "And what are you doing in here?!"
"I thought I'd come over," I glanced at Manny, "for a book... and a cup of coffee."
Manny beamed at this.
"You work at a book shop. Why would you come here for a book? That's-that's dumb!" Bernard seemed really irritated by this.
"Your shop has an ambience that Whyte Books doesn't have." I smiled cutely up at him.
Bernard snarled at me and stormed out of the store. I looked back at Manny.
"The shop looks nice, Manny." I batted my eyelashes at him. "Good work."
His entire face went red.

Manny looked like he'd recently been in tears when he stormed into Whyte Books that afternoon.

I had just gotten back for Tom's place a few minutes before Manny came barging in. My afternoon romp with Tom had lead to a casual dinner which, naturally, lead to the bedroom which lead to me staying the night which lead to some early morning shagging which lead to me being very late for work. I still hadn't told Elle about my new, very modern way of life. I didn't know if I would ever tell her, either. Honestly, it was really none of her business.

But I always did enjoy making my sister insanely jealous.

Manny crossed his arms over his chest, stood in the corner of the shop and pouted without a word.

Elle raised an eyebrow at him, pouring herself a glass of wine at her desk, not likely her first of the day. "Oy. Planet of the Apes extra! May we help you?"

I pretended to shelve some books nearby, sliding them in randomly. (King Lear is considered Military History, right?) "Manny, what's wrong? You look..." Like an especially hairy Klingon-Hobbit cross-breed. "...upset."

"I'm quitting Black Books!" he announced. "I can't stay there anymore! I refuse! I won't put up with such treatment any longer! I won't!"

Elle just blinked at him. "...Okay..." She put the cork back in the wine and

"You've actually quit then?" I asked. "I mean, you've said several times that you were going to quit but never did."

Manny shoved his hands into his pockets and frowned. "Well, not yet. But I'm going to!"

Elle snickered. "Yeah. Right."

"I will!" he shouted, startling the tiny old lady customer nearby. "I'll do it, I swear!"

"Oy, shut y'gob!" snapped the tiny old lady customer.

Manny's smiled weakly. "Sorry, ma'am." He sidled over to where I was, taking strange tiny quick steps. "Can I talk to you somewhere in private?" he asked in a whisper. "It's really important."

He followed me into the kitchen we sat down.

Manny didn't seem to know how to start. So, I did.

"So," I said. I cleared my throat. "What did you want to discuss-"

"Oh," he said. "Right. Well, I don't have many things here stopping me from leaving Black Books... 'cept you."

I blinked at him. "Wot?"

Manny shrugged. "Well, I mean, we do have a connection, you and I. You know, chemistry. For Christ sake, we slept together over the holiday! I just..." I let out a long sigh. "If there was a reason for me to stay 'round here, I gladly would."

He's mad. Obviously, he hit his head and now there is something wrong with his brain. I mean, technically I did sleep with him over the holiday but if I had feelings for every bloke I shagged, we would have some issues.

"What I'm trying to say is..." Manny finally looked me directly in the face. "Would you like to go on a date with me? A proper date, I mean. Dinner? Movie?"

I didn't say anything.

"Maybe a walk in Covent Garden?"

I still didn't say anything.

"...Trip to the zoo?"

"Look, Manny-"

"Oh, no."

"Manny, you're a great guy," I said. "But I just don't fancy you that way. I'm sorry if lead you on. I never meant to."

He looked genuinely confused. "But... but we slept together on New Year's Eve!"

"We were drunk!" I exclaimed. "I would have never shagged you if I had been sober!"

That did not come out as eloquently as I'd hoped.

Manny's face tightened. Oh, God. Please don't cry... here.

"Right. Well... Didn't expect that." He slid his chair out and headed out, stopping at the doorway. "Bye Elise. Have a nice life." And then he left.

And I felt awful.